Worlds Cheapest
Tip September 1, 2012 - Barcelona, SPAIN
An Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds
cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks
for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian
currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When
questioned the man replied, "I had just returned from a trip to India
and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency."
Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, "His excuse is
weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not
even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There
is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the
customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still
need bills. His tip wasn't even a percent!"
Man Gives Up On Women April 10, 2012 - Atlanta, USA
Atlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has
given up the life long struggle to figure out what women really want.
This came after a recently published report estimating American
corporations had spent over $1 billion dollars in 2009 to determine
what want women want from their products and marketing, and had largely
failed. "If combining rooms full of highly skilled experts and
truckloads of money can't figure these women out, how on earth is the
typical blue collar man with $28,000 after tax dollars a year supposed
to?" said Mr. Ross during an interview with Atlanta news reporters. "It
may be that these women themselves have no idea what they are looking
for or what will win them over. Many admit to having the exact same
qualities in one man be endearing, while in another, off-putting." Mr.
Ross's web site has generated over 32,000 letters of support from other
men in its guest book since his announcement earlier in the day.
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a
moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man
looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked
through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then
groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
A soldier was given the job of hunting for
buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set
off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the
Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says
"Hmm, buffalo come". The soldier scans the area with his
binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian,
"I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come"? and
the Indian replies, "ear sticky".
Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Barcelona. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who
has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little
cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like
to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and
begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get
your own damn blanket.
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a
regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a
bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger.
He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress,
there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going
on!" So, the waitress takes him back where the cook
is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and
flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's
disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should
see him make donuts."
Two brothers jointly owned a business and both were
wise in worldly ways. While dying, one brother instructed his sibling to
put half of their combined wealth into the grave with the casket. The
brother reluctantly agreed. In time his brother died. At the graveside
ceremony the living brother wrote a check for half of their assets and
placed it in the casket.
3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware
technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is
driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have
failed and the car is accelerating out of control.
So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs
the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop.
The three climb out and assess the situation.
Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a
look. "
Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a
specialist in brakes."
Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?" :)
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak
with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she
replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then
said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glen wood, but you’re 84years old. What would you
possibly need birth control pills for?” The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.” The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?” The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”